OK my friends... I just returned from Florida and I must say that traveling has become quite a chore. I understand that we have security measures in place for our safety, but what a shame. Think about how ridiculously demeaning it is going to the airport now-a-days... we have to take off most of our clothes, we can't have any gels or liquids, and God forbid you bring a bottle of water with you through security! Man, get out the tasers!
It is truly sad that the masses have to be subject to these silly rules because of a few crazy people. think about it... one deranged lunatic tries to blow up a plane with explosives in his sneakers and now we all have to take off our shoes before we board a plane. Ok, maybe there were 3 copycats that we never heard about... and now 400 million people have to take off their shoes. Are you serious? My 3-year-old son has to take off his Sketchers before everyone plan ride. And let's face it, is a terrorist really blowing up a plane going from Tampa to Miami with 70 passengers? At what point do we realize that the terrorists aren't targeting business flights from Chicago to Dubuque?
I know, this is tongue-in-cheek, but let's take a quick look at what you have to do to take a flight now...
You have to arrive 2 hours before your flight. ANY flight. If you don't you risk getting caught up in security and missing your flight. So, that 1 hour flight to Philly just turned into 3 hours. plus the time to drive to the airport and catch the shuttle from the parking garage. Amtrack is sounding better all the time.
Ok, so you get into the airport. Now you have to check in... we do everything online now so it's just a matter of checking baggage. Hmmm, most airlines are now charging for bags... can someone direct me to the 5 vacation travelers who DON'T have baggage? Does US Airways think we buy new clothes in Phoenix and then burn them after we are done so we don't have to pay for them to come home with us? How is it that the nation isn't going crazy about these new rules? We all just shrug and move on... people, you are paying $450 to fly across the country and the airline is going to charge you for your bags!!! I guess we should just wear all our clothes on the flight. Why not...? I'm 180 pounds... I figure that if I wear 4 pairs of boxers and shorts, 8 shirts, a couple of pair of socks, two hats, my shoes (I'll drape the other pair over my shoulder) and a jacket I'll still be a slender 215 and the person sitting next to me won't mind too much. Hopefully I don't sweat too much... that could get ugly.
Honestly... I can't believe that rule - and let's hope your bags don't weigh more than 50 pounds each, otherwise its surcharge time! So, what did that rule come about, anyway? Is it the weight of the bags? The manpower to load them onto the plan? Just amazing... and what does this translate into? Some lady putting 75 pounds of clothes into a carry-on bag by using 10 of those suction bags she just got from Target.
Ok... so the bags are checked and it's time for my favorite part... security.
Rule #1, don't joke with the security people. They are actually cyborgs.
Rule #2, don't worry, it only seems like an eternity while you disrobe before using the metal detector. And yes, we all fumble with our keys and coins and feel like idiots.
Ok, so I have to show my license five times before I get to the boarding gate. Like any 15 year old can't forge a license. Give me 24 hours and I'm sure I can locate a way/person/machine to make me a fake license. I love it. All these measures only inconvenience the honest people. It is like the lock on your house. Any thief could get into your house in probably 10 minutes. The lock is there to stop that regular person who has a momentary brain-freeze and thinks he'll take your DVD player as he walks home from the bar. "Oh, it's locked... ok, I guess I'll just go home now."
Think about it... you don't even need official documents to get through security. You need a print out from your home computer - nobody is making fake documents on their computers, right? - and your license.
So you get to the conveyor belt and start loading all your crap. Take your jacket off! And your hat! And your shoes! And your belt! Load up one of those grey bins with your junk for all to see. Oh, and if you have any electronics you need to open them up and display them so any nearby thief can check out what they are going to steal from you later. So we all stand in line in our belt-less pants and shoeless feet and wait for a 57 year-old, 115 pound woman make sure we are not trying to blow up the world. Silly. Again, all this because .000009% of the world hates capitalism enough to blow themselves up to make a point.
You get through the metal detector and whoops! I guess you forgot that you can't bring shave cream and hair gel through security! Not in THOSE quantities. Listen, if you want to simply blow up 5 or 10 seats with a small amount of explosives hidden in a hair-gel container fine, but let's not go crazy and bring in 25 ounces of the stuff! Crazy American.
Ok, so now you don't have your new bottle of Canoe after-shave, but at least you got through security. On to the gate! Wait, put your shoes on first.
Great... now your are in the terminal and it is filled with... stores. Why not? You couldn't bring any luggage and what you had brought got confiscated at security, so go ahead and buy some new stuff. Hmmmm....
When it is all said and done, I find the one thing that SHOULD be monitored ISN'T. Why isn't there a process to make sure that the luggage that you pick up in baggage claim is actually YOUR luggage? How easy would it be to sit around the baggage claim and wait until 3 or 4 bags have floated by a few times with no owner and then grab them? Or what about just being that guy who stands at the opening of the conveyor belt and grab the 1st generic black bag that comes along? I guess the airlines figure that if you paid them $40 to bring the bag you'll make sure you pick it up...
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